Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
