she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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