I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
