i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
