my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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