I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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