When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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