Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
