My hand turned me down
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
