They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found the puke drawer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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