Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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