Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize