apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
