Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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