he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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