he thought i was a dude.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
