mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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