my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
