Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
