I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
