im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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