Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and she was petting her beer can
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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