So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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