I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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