I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
