you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
