You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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