Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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