Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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