I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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