you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
