Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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