At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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