oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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