So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
