the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
