bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
