he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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