I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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