dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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