Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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