Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize