His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
