i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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