Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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