there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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