dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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