i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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