K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
