I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
