I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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