nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
