i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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