I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
