My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
jump out the window naked night went bad
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