your room smells of hookers.
And success
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
