Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
