i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
