How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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