all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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