Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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