She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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