i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Found your dick twin last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
