so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
3 2 1 whiskey
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
