i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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