There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
