My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
