there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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