Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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