i barfeds in our rink
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
