I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
