i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Found the puke drawer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
