dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
