Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
