The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
where are my eyebrows?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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