for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
