oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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