I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
